alexiswho

yep.  Thats what it feels like–its not really a muffin top–not what i have–its more just my love handles that dont fit in my pants–i was doing so well this week got down to like 140.4 but now i’mback at 142-i dont get how that happens in a matter of a day!?

Its Thursday so there still time to hopefully get back to 140 or at least the 141 i weighed in with last saturday.

I know i went overboard yesterday-It was our staff lunch which was ok-it was a small piece of chicken, roasted potatoes and this vegetable medely thing.–I only ate like 4 of the little potatoes and ate the rest.

Then it started–i was still hungry and i saw cake–so i had a piece of cake…it was small but still…then when i got back to office i found i was still hungry and there was a donut there and grrr i ate it….fast forward hours later-im home now and its like 930…i made three slices of bacon thinking thats all i would eat and that wouldnt be so bad.–i guess i dont know what i was thinking but the boyfriend made these pigs in a blanket and i wasnt even that hungry but i ate 3 of them–then right before bed i had two chip ahoy cookies…and that was my day/night-so no wonder i wake up 2 pounds heavier–i also havent been going to the gym this week-last tiem i went was Sunday-and i wont be able to go again probably until next week sometime–i have been slightly excersizing at home doing pushups sit ups dips and squats but i got no cardio in–today while at work-since im by myself ill take some time out and do some-what are they called step-ups? like step up and down a step.

Visiting my friend in texas tomorrow night through monday night-so im sorta mad i didnt even come close to my goal–i wanted to lose 10lbs by this time and i didnt even lose 5 and i mean i was beyond motivated so i dont know what im going to do-go sulk i guess.

Wasnt bad…Saturday my eating sucked first i didnt get to eat anything till 2 in the afternoon then i was starving and started to binge but then i stopped myself–then went out to eat around 7 and overdid it-then had beer at night–was such a bad eating day! But sunday was a pretty good eating day-and the rest of the week should be good as well.. I’m hoping to drop at least another pound but i’m going to strive to try to lose 2lbs hopefully by friday before I fly out to Houston.

I cant wait to be under 140–ive been wafting between 140 and 141 for the past day or so-I think im starting to feel a little different in my clothes-but maybe its all mental but hey ill take a good feeling any way i can!

Granted i woke up and ate this left over pizza thing-so that can explain it but i’m just feeling icky my stomach hurts and i’m exhausted-don’t really know why.

 Im just trying to pass some time before going to work-im waiting for my pseudo boss to call me to tell me when he wants me in to do some editing–on a side note i’m so glad I’m finally editing a little bit (video editing) its something I hope I can end up doing full time-its just so hard down here-there really isn’t a market for it much anymore which sucks-maybe ill move back to ny where there should be tons of jobs…maybe–

anyway back to this-so its now officially a week before I go visit my friend in Houston, TX.  I’m sorta upset about this-i wanted to lose 10 pounds before seeing her-i sorta knew this was impossible because of the way my body loses weight-but I at least sorta thought by now i’d be down at least 5 pounds–i started really trying around a month ago–and im down like 2.5 pounds at the most–and i say that because i just keep going up and down so i dont even think i can count it as a real loss.  So, my next idea is to-after work-go to target or publix or somewhere and just stock up on veggies and fruits-and i’m going to TRY to mainly just eat fruit and veggies–and maybe some lean meat thrown in–i mean i suppose this is how we’re all suppose to be eating anyway-but maybe ill finally feel so good after the week that I wont want to stop–unfortunetly i know when i go to visit her -we’re going to drink and eat horribly–so since i know i pretty much cant get around that i’m going to shoot for eating like half my usual portion size so that should be helpful?

i really just wanted to lose the weight for her and her boyfriend (who always calls me fat-but thats a whole other story…) to see and then just keep it up when i get home-but i see thats not really going to happen unless i can drop another 3 pounds or so this week? Is it possible? I havent eaten that well this week and I also think thats contributing to me not feeling well-i think im finally seeing the connection between my stomach aches and the food i eat–i just hope i dont make up escuses why i cant go to the store later to get the fruit and stuff—im really good at making escuses for myself–

well i hope everyones having a great friday, TGIF!

and thanks to all my buddies who leave me such great comments and boosters you all are great and are such a motivator–thank you!!

oh and ps.  GO DIAMONDS!

I’m going to just write the good things from now on…well for the rest of today at least-lets start there ok?

I had a chicken souvlaki (sp?) pita for lunch-chicken, olives, lettece, cucumbers, the yummy sauce—I could have gotten a soda and a cookie like i always do when i go-but i declined-so I had a water and no cookie instead.

This morning before heading out to work I did: tricep dips, situps, pushups and a few squats.

I’m drinking water.

I just did some–ugh what are they called–well i’m at work and i have NOTHING to do till this rehearsal thing starts and I run powerpoint for them so I looked around and -I have a step that goes up to my desk i’m sorta up one level from the rest of the room–very hard to describe but so i went over to the step-and i did like step ups–thats not what they’re called but you know put one step on it and you step up? haha anyway so i did 20 for each foot–and in a few i’ll do it again-and maybe again until i actually have to work—that should be good right?

hmm…and there is a possibility of getting out of work around 6 tonight instead of 9 like I thought. Thats always good!

 If I come across anymore mini yays for the day i’m going to come write them-so try not to get to annoyed.

yesterday was just not a good eating day-i had cereal in the morning and a nature valley bar for lunch, handful of nilla wafers for a snack and then made hamburger helper which i think i ate 2 cups of it–THEN we went out to get icecream–i got a size small cup but it was a lot and I ate it all =(

I’m disapointed in myself again–the scale doesnt seem to reflect it–but I’m sure itll get on there just in time for weigh in on Saturday morning =((((   (mega frown)

There is pracitcally NO food in the house-and I’m disgusted and don’t even want to go out food shopping—im just so sick of food-i’m so sick that we have to go out and get it and how expensive it is-i hate writing about it-i hate that we need it to live-i hate that its constantly on my mind and have to think about it all day-i hate how it dictates how I feel-ugh im just so over the whole thing

….so now i’ll go eat a tablespoon of peanut butter and think about what i’m going to be eating for the rest of the day.

I think i’m going to have to start giving myself rewards when i do something good.  Thats it. I have my mind made up.  A lot of people on here are doing that and I think its a great idea.

I have an extra 75 dollars in gift cards and things to one of my favorite clothes store that i’ve had since christmas and I havent used it because I told myself there is no way im buying new clothes while i feel so fat.

I was hoping that I would have lost at least 5 lbs by now-and I havent so that is disapointing but I’m sorta hoping that in a week or so somehow it will all just start falling off.  My new idea i had was that before i go visit my friend in Texas I’d go treat myself and shop for clothes–but thats assuming I lose some weight before then–Ugh i’m trying not to bitch and moan but I’m just not understanding what is wrong. I’m only 24 it really shouldnt be so hard to see results.

So…

I got off of work at 5 and the interview was about 14 mins away (so said mapquest) and the it wasn’t until 6 that I had to be there so I thought i had some time–so I left at around 515 and there was crazy traffic so i didn’t get there till 6 so now i’m like panicing trying to find the place and it pretty much didnt exist!! They told me they were in Suite 141 right but there were only even numbered suites there! So I call the number to ask where they were and they never answered the phone–i couldn’t believe it-so I went home assuming they’ll eventually call to see where I am–but they never did–how crazy is that?

So i guess that wasn’t meant to be!!

Anyways….this is sorta scary but…I think i actually kicked the habbit of fast food! I havent had it in like a month and I haven’t even craved it at all. That is BIG for me. So I’m sorta excited about that (hey its the little things that get you through right?).

This morning before I went to work I did leg raises and dips.  I just ate dinner so later I’m going to go to the gym.  I’m just hoping the weight starts coming off because I seem to be doing all the right things.

Thanks buddies!!

what ive eaten today:

Breakfast: i think it was 3/4 cup of heart to heart kashi cereal with 3/4 cup lactaid milk

Lunch: entire package which i believe was like 2.5 servings of this vegetable medely thing in alfreado sauce–and by alfreado sauce i guess they meant watery milky sauce thats not really alfreadoie at all?

then had my yoplait yogurt in strawberry

and now i just had a nature valley oats n honey

so i guess when i get home around 7 ill eat some leaftover chicken parm that the boy made last night it was sooo good and is such a small portion i can enjoy it semi guilt free!!

ugh work is dragging sooooo much today–ive done a total of 2 mins of work all day.

And i have a job interview after work today with what I believe is a telemarketing company which I’m not thrilled about–but i figured what the hell i’ll go on the interview and see what the benefits and pay is–this job here has no benefits and crap pay ughhhh

wish i had a better job then maybe i wouldn’t focus on my weight so much?

I’ve decided that I’m consciously doing everything i can–well i mean i could be exercising more thats for sure–but other than that i’m doing the most i’ve done in years (health wise)–am i even making sense?? i dont know–

back to the point–

i think one of my problems is that I’m eating way to many carbs and not enough veggies and fruits.-for some reason half of me can’t believe that will really help in my weight loss but the other half wants to punch that half in the face because it thinks “of course you need more veggies and fruit”

so i dont know-i’m feeling a little split–i’m trying not to get upset-but i got my period today (sorry tmi!) so my emotions-and brain is all over the place apparently!!

so how much carbs is a healthy amount to eat daily?

what the hell.

I’m past disapointed…now i’m just angry.

I honestly do not understand what is happening.  I”ve never drank so much water in my life and I’ve never exercised as much as i do now and I’m not losing anything and I don’t feel different in my clothes.

So.

I’m pretty much at my wits end–i dont really want advice since I know i have to “stick with it” or whatever…i dont want to be bitchy its just ridiculously frustrating.